Ten Things That Happen When You Have the Flu

Apologies for this take off on several post by my blogging friend, Hugh Roberts.

Chained to a bed vector art illustration

10. You have a chest cold with some serious coughing. You take zinc pills in the hopes of containing it and wait to get better. You watch a series on Netflix. The title is enticing, your friends recommended it, so lying on the couch, you begin episode one of the first of four seasons. After 30 minutes, you doze off, and wake up just as the episode ends. Your husband tells you what happened, and you start episode two. Same thing. After the third episode, you give up, completely confused about what’s happening.

9. You decide the reason why you’re feeling so exhausted is that you’re not getting enough exercise (cough, cough). So you get the pillow on the seat of your recumbent bike and pump away madly while watching the news…for five minutes. You return to bed.

8. You ignore your daughter’s insistence that you see your MD. It’s only a chest cold, and in two days you’ll be back at it.

7. Despite spraying Lysol wherever you go, your husband now starts coughing. The house smells like a rest stop bathroom.

6. You decide, after several days in a bathrobe, you should take a shower. Your husband is also sick and even he is avoiding you. You take a shower, are too tired to dry your hair, and go back to bed.

5. At your daughter’s continued insistence, you and your husband see your MD. You’re blood pressure is 80/60, which explains why doing anything involving moving is exhausting, and you both have the flu. You get a prescription for Tamiflu, but your MD says it will be four days until you start to feel better.

4. You watch TV with the cat in your lap. You have a coughing fit. The cat startles and leaves claw tracks on your legs as he runs away.

3.You crave some really good comfort food, but all you have in the freezer is a few diet dinners, all made with quinoa and kale. Your husband hates both. There’s always the store, but that means you would have to get out of your pajamas and into real clothes. You give up and eat dry cereal.

2. Your husband, stronger than you, finds some noodles and makes spaghetti the next night. You eat two bowls of it and go to bed with an upset stomach.

  1. You manage not to fall asleep during an evening of the Olympics. An American one tenth your age and the size of a peanut wins a gold medal. You finally have a solid night’s sleep.

Several thousand neurons gave their lives in the creation of this post. I am certain of it because of the number of typos and other idiocies I discovered on re-reading it. I am having difficulty braining today.



25 thoughts on “Ten Things That Happen When You Have the Flu”

  1. Omgoodness. I hate to laugh, but—I couldn’t help myself. I hope it makes you feel better to know you were highly entertaining. 😀

    Take care of yourself and get well soon. The flu is dreadful!

  2. Noelle, you take it easy and take the flu serious— that stuff is really bad. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

    1. Fever and aches gone, chest still congested and I am tired…but there is light at the end of this tunnel! Keep well – Maine is loaded with this flu as well!

    1. Yup, the worst is over. My chest remains like a pipe organ. Am taking it easy for another week. Glad you got through it – the US is now just riddled with the A type flu.

    1. Thank you! It was terrible but I’m slowly recovering. I’m tired all the time but I think my lungs are clearing up – if I were a few decades younger, it might have been less bad!

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