This is a story I posted way back in 2014, so probably many of my readers haven’t seen it. It’s part of a collection of stories called Growing Up Pilgrim that I hope to publish one day.
One of the last times my father used a switch on my brother’s and my posteriors resulted from what we later called the lemon cookie catastrophe. My father had an addiction to lemon frosted cookies, and every other week my mother would bring home a package of the sweet treats with the groceries.
The catastrophe occurred because both Jay and I also loved those cookies and tended to sneak them when no one was looking. The cookies were stored in a metal bread box on the counter by the back door, which made its position perfect for a strike and run. As a result, the number of lemon cookies in the bag would diminish rapidly in just a few days, much to my father’s displeasure.
“Who ate the lemon cookies?” Dad would ask in exasperation each time.
“Noelle did,” Jay would answer.
“Jay did,” I would reply.
Finally, Dad’s patience wore out. Tired of never knowing who was to be punished for eating his cookies, he found a solution. “The next time I find that anyone has been eating my cookies, you will both be switched.”
Sure enough, the following week he went to grab a cookie after dinner and found the bag had only one. “That’s it,” he roared and asked Jay and me who ate his cookies.
“I didn’t, I swear,” I vowed.
“I didn’t eat your cookies this time,” answered Jay tearfully, knowing what was coming.
Nevertheless, Dad cut a green switch from the back yard forsythia, returned to the kitchen and gave both Jay and me a thorough licking, energized by the fact that he was tired of our lying.
Mom came in from the drying area with a pile of clothes in her arms and found me sitting on the back steps, crying. I followed her into the kitchen, wailing about being punished for something I didn’t do.
“What’s going on here, John?” Mom asked.
“I’m tired of those kids lying about eating the lemon cookies,” he answered, “so this time they both got switched.”
“Oh dear,” Mom sighed. “I forgot to tell you that the bridge club was here this afternoon and I served them the lemon cookies.”
I remember wailing even louder about the unfairness of it all and not surprisingly, got ordered to my room. I left, but not before I heard Dad say, “Well, shit.”
Ha ha ha ha. Good one, Noelle.
Glad you liked it, John!
It was good.
Thanks! Those cookies tasted good,too.
I’ll bet.
Oh, well, I guess he rounded the usual suspects and reached the wrong conclusion. Those must have been some delicious cookies, though! Thanks, Christelle. Very funny, although not so funny at the time, I’m sure.
They were store bought, but he loved them!
Great story, Noelle—a great reminder not to make assumptions.
My son, wife, and i were talking the other day about times he got in trouble when he was little. He recalled two times. (He was a wonderful boy who grew into an amazing man.) After one incident, when he went against our express commands to avoid playing in the muck, he came home covered and traipsed through the house, depositing mud everywhere in the house. I spanked him. Both of us still remember that. It was the one and only time I did that. This is not to praise the virtues of spanking—far from it. I was following what my parents did with me. I learned that day how terrible I felt and vowed to teach him in better ways.
Both my parents believed in not sparing the rod – they way they were brought up. So we got switched. I resolved NOT to do that with my own children. I think they might have gotten one smack on their diapers at some time, but we used time-outs. Our son only responded to positive reinforcement!
This would have been very upsetting for you at the time, but it is funny in retrospect. I’m well into The Last Pilgrim. A wonderful and well researched book.
Thanks so much, Robbie. And yes, only funny as a memory! Glad you are enjoying the book!
⭐️🩵
I agree, funny now, but not at the time.
My parents didn’t believe in sparing the rod, but my brother and I did not carry on that tradition!
Thanks so much, Robbie. And yes, only funny as a memory! Glad you are enjoying the book!
This reminds me of the many times I thought I knew who the culprit was whenever my kids were involved in mischief. Can’t say I was right all of the time!
Yup, parents do make mistakes. I had the same thing – he did it, she did it – when my kids were young.
Assume nothing – that’s my advice!
😉
What a great foodie story Noelle 🙂
Thanks, Kevin!
Oh boy. I like to think that dad felt worse about it than you and Jay. He learned his lesson, I hope. Such a great story about growing up, Noelle. Families are full of love and troubles, mistakes and forgiveness. They’re where we learn to be good humans. Thanks for sharing again!
Thanks, Diana. I forgot to mention in my reply to your latest post that I have another book partially assembled – a memoir of growing up in Plymouth. This will be one story. It will have a very limited audience, I think! I’m still writing this one!
🙂 You’ve been busy!
Spurts, I guess and no vacation until the end of this month!
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Oops. I laughed but I also felt sorry for you and your brother. Hopefully, maybe?, your dad never used the switch again. By the way, I love lemon cookies too, although I haven’t had any in years. I’d sneak one from that bag if I had a chance. 🙂
Lastly, I loved your book Death by Pumpkin, and I really like your main character, Rhe, and her family and friends. I have reviewed it in Goodreads and Amazon. <3
Thank you so much for your review3! They are so important to us writers! I’m glad you enjoyed the book – hope you will like the others as well.
And yes, this short memoir was painful at the time – my father had been raised as spare the rod, spoil the child – but he did it less and less and we grew up. Maybe because we learned his rule?
I don’t know. Some kids would just get trickier because they’re so mad about the ‘rod.’ My dad spanked, but he hated it so much (as did my brother and I), that we behaved and so did he.
I will definitely read more of your cozy mysteries. You’re a master at them!
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